30 Failures (one year later)

In June 2009, I was facing down my 30th birthday. As I was approaching this milestone, I decided to compile a list of things I had either failed at or not attempted in my first twenty-nine years.

This was not to be a list of simple activities like sky diving or kissing a foreign ambassador. This was a list of common life experiences that had eluded me and perhaps impacted the course of my life. Most of the list items are things I had neither the desire nor the opportunity to pursue but have contributed to my overall failure to assimilate into normal society. Some I have no control over. Some I have no intention of doing. But someone somewhere considers these items to be a failure.

Over the past year, I have been writing essays about each list item to examine why these things are failures and what I have learned from them or myself about them. Now I’m two months from turning 31. None the failures on my list have been rectified. I remain colorless, childless, godless, friendless, bosomless, and teamless.

As of this writing, twenty failures have been documented for your entertainment. I have reorganized the list items from their original order to the order in which I have written about them.

The List (reordered):
1. Successfully drive a car
2. Develop an ample bosom
3. Master the art of conversation/small talk
4. Ride a bicycle
5. Failing to procreate
6. Stick to a fitness regimen
7. Join organized religion
8. Keep a best friend
9. Participate in public nudity
10. Join team sports
11. Attend overnight camp
12. Exercise patience
13. Move to NYC
14. Obtain healthy glow
15. Master nice penmanship
16. Learn/speak a second language
17. Develop drug addiction
18. Ride a roller coaster
19. Stay in hospital
20. Win a prestigious award
21. Run afoul of the law
22. Hold full-time employment
23. Contract chicken pox/measles
24. Get married
25. Visit a strip club
26.Defend myself
27. Own property
28. Perform in public
29. Leave North America
30. Be truly selfless

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